Teaching Toddlers to Share: What to Expect and How to Help

Few things test a parent's patience like watching two toddlers pull at the same toy, both shouting "mine!". Sharing is one of the skills parents most want their children to learn, yet it is also one of the hardest for toddlers. The good news is that difficulty sharing is completely normal at this age, and there is a lot adults can do to help children learn gradually. This guide looks at teaching toddlers to share: why a toddler won't share toys, when children learn to share, turn taking games that build the skill and calm ways to handle conflicts at home and at nursery.

Why sharing is so hard for toddlers

Toddlers are just beginning to understand that they are separate people with their own wants, and "mine" is often one of their first powerful words. At this stage, children find it hard to imagine how someone else feels, and they live very much in the present moment. When they have a toy, they want it now, and the idea of giving it up and getting it back later is difficult to grasp.

Toddlers also have limited impulse control and limited language. When another child takes their toy, they may not have the words to say "I was playing with that", so they grab, push or cry instead. None of this means a child is selfish; it reflects normal brain development.

When do children learn to share?

Sharing develops gradually. Most toddlers under two find it very difficult to share willingly. Between two and three, children begin to understand turn-taking with adult support, although they still often struggle. Around three to four, many children start to share more willingly, especially with friends, and understand that others have feelings too. Skills continue to develop throughout the preschool years.

These are broad guides, and every child is different. Temperament, tiredness, the value of the toy and who they are playing with all make a difference. Even adults find it hard to share something precious.

My toddler won't share toys: is that normal?

Yes. A toddler who won't share toys is behaving in a very typical way. Rather than forcing sharing, which can make children feel that their things are always at risk and hold on even more tightly, it helps to focus on teaching turn-taking, naming feelings and modelling generosity.

Forcing a child to hand over a toy the moment another child wants it teaches that whoever grabs or cries gets the toy. Instead, many early years practitioners suggest letting a child finish their turn, while helping the waiting child cope with waiting. This teaches both children that turns end and that their turn will come.

Turn taking games

Turn-taking is the foundation of sharing, and games are a playful way to practise it. Short, simple turn taking games help toddlers experience giving and getting back in a safe, predictable way.

• Rolling a ball back and forth, saying "my turn, your turn".
• Building a tower together, taking turns to add a block.
• Posting shapes into a shape sorter one at a time.
• Simple picture lotto or matching games with an adult.
• Taking turns on a slide or swing, with a short count.
• Musical instruments: swapping instruments when the music stops.
• Feeding a teddy: taking turns to give it pretend food.

Using the same phrases every time, such as "my turn, your turn", helps toddlers learn the rhythm of turn-taking. A sand timer can make waiting more concrete for older toddlers.

Modelling sharing

Children learn a lot by watching adults. Share with your child and with others, and talk about it: "I'm sharing my orange with you" or "Daddy is sharing his book with me." Notice and describe when other people share. Praise specific behaviour when your child shares or waits, for example "You gave Ali a turn with the truck. He looks happy."

It also helps to show that sharing can be enjoyable. Playing games together, cooking together and building something as a team all show that doing things with others is fun.

Naming feelings

Helping toddlers understand feelings, both their own and others', is key to learning to share. When your child is upset because they have to wait, name the feeling: "You really want the red car. It's hard to wait." When another child is upset, point out their feelings too: "Look, Maya is sad. She wanted a turn."

Over time, this builds empathy and gives children the words to express themselves instead of grabbing or hitting. Our guide to toddler language development explains how words for feelings develop.

Handling toy battles calmly

1. Stay close and calm, stepping in before things escalate if you can.
2. Describe what is happening: "You both want the digger."
3. Acknowledge both children's feelings.
4. Help them find a solution, such as taking turns, finding a similar toy or playing together.
5. Use a timer for older toddlers if needed.
6. Stop hurting behaviour immediately and calmly, comforting the child who was hurt first.
7. Praise any small step, such as waiting or offering a toy.

When friends come over, let your child put away one or two special toys beforehand. Having a few things that do not need to be shared can make it easier to share everything else.

Grabbing, biting and hitting

Conflicts over toys sometimes lead to grabbing, pushing, hitting or biting. These behaviours are common in toddlers who do not yet have the words or self-control to manage strong feelings. Respond calmly and consistently: stop the behaviour, comfort the hurt child and explain simply, "No hitting. Hitting hurts." Then help your child find another way to express what they want. Our guides to toddler biting at nursery and toddler tantrums offer more strategies.

Sharing at nursery

Nursery offers many opportunities to practise sharing and turn-taking, because children play alongside others every day. Nursery staff usually support this by providing enough popular toys, setting up activities that encourage cooperation and helping children resolve conflicts. Group routines, such as passing a basket at snack time or taking turns to choose a song, also build these skills naturally. Our guide to a toddler daily routine at nursery describes how the nursery day gives children practice in playing together.

Ask your child's key person how your child is getting on with sharing and what language they use, so you can use similar words at home.

From parallel play to playing together

Young toddlers often play side by side, doing similar things but not really playing together. This is called parallel play and is an important stage. Gradually, children begin to watch each other, copy and then play cooperatively, building towers together or pretending. As children move towards cooperative play, sharing becomes easier and more meaningful, because they begin to enjoy the shared game itself.

You cannot rush this transition, but you can support it. Invite one or two children over at a time, and offer games that are more fun with a partner, such as pushing cars along a shared road or building one big house from blocks together.

Nursery at Altın Anahtar

At the Altın Anahtar nursery in Alsancak, the nursery group welcomes children from 12 months to 3 years, and the school is open Monday to Friday from 07:30 to 18:30. Children play alongside others every day in a play-based, child-centred environment. You can contact the Altın Anahtar team to arrange a visit by appointment.

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